The text message - "Mom,I had a great practice today"

Whew...I feel much better now! If you don't know what I'm talking about...read below! God is good and being a mom is awesome!!!

#49 Wants to get off the sideline please!

Yesterday was the first day of spring training for my middle son, Scout. He was totally exhausted when he came home. Kind of quiet.....got right to his home work. While making dinner, I asked how it went and he very quietly, with no eye contact told me that it just did not go that well. I tried to ask a few more questions and he seemed to be annoyed. So...taking the hint, I let it go.

About 10 minutes later, I heard him faintly say..."I don't think I can do this". He was very teary. Seeing that he was fighting back the tears, I asked him if he was ok...when he said no - I asked if he wanted to talk now or did he need a minute. Shaking his head yes, I said, "why don't you go get a shower, take a moment and then we'll talk. Let's put the homework aside for a bit ok?" He agreed.

After his shower, I went to talk with him and he showed me his new bruises. One place on his arm literally had the imprints of the football seam as clear as ever. He told me he 'got trucked' and just had a really crappy day. I could go on and tell you the entire conversation, but it's really summed up with his statement of "it's hard to be small" when you play football. He sees a spring training camp and another summer of practices ahead of him...with no guarantee of first string status or tons of playing time ahead. A little disheartening to a 13 year old boy who is sometimes a legend in his own mind.

Scout has been the same height and weight for a while now. Most of his friends have at least 15 to 20 pounds of muscle on him. No kidding. He loves the game so much and wants to play first string receiver so bad it's all he thinks about. But, maybe (as we are finding) that is not what he is going to be used for. After letting him talk and just get some tears out, I knew his heart was pretty defeated. The scenario playing out in real life just didn't quite match what he sees daily in his head, and that is a hard pill to swallow. I know what that is like myself. You know, when our real life is varied from what our ideal has always been.

School is hard and our kids are under tremendous pressure to perform and live up to what they think the goal is or what they have always thought 'winning' really is. I want Scout to learn that yeah....this kind of stinks - but let's learn the importance of teamwork and the important parts that are always at work behind the scenes. Attitude and Character count too!!! I didn't give him a whole speech about that, I knew that was not what his heart needed from me. He needed me to hear his frustration and I did. He wanted me to pray with him too, that God would move him from Corner Back to Wide Receiver. :) Ah...name it and claim it. That is when I did share my thoughts with him. That what if...God's plan is for him to be Corner - not receiver. What if?? I told him that if he is in that position and the coach is set on that, then he has to work as hard as he can to be the best Corner he can be. (am I supposed to call that a cornerback or corner back??) Anyway, the point is that sometimes we may not like the current assignment we have. But, if we have been placed there, we must find JOY in the circumstance. That part..the finding joy part, is all up to us! God hasn't moved....he's there and he says, "Count it all joy...".

I'm nervous for him today. I just want it to go well...with no 'trucking' or as I see it...hard hittin' on my boy. :) I know, it comes with the territory. And as he grows up, he'll have many life lessons on getting hit, being the smallest,whatever. It's part of growing up. Look at David from the Bible. A Shepperd boy that became King. He was the smallest boy in his family - and he became not only the boy who killed the giant, but also the man that God called 'a man after his own heart'. Size doesn't matter...but heart does! And Scout has a whole lot of heart.

As Scout went to school this morning, the verse that came to mind was Philippians 4:13. I told him if he gets hit at practice, and feels like giving up, just get up and say "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength...I can do all things through Christ....I can do all things through Christ".

He can and he will succeed with Christ leading him. This week - I am somewhere I just don't want to be. So, I will take that advice myself....and say to myself, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength! What can HE give you strength to do today? Remember...HE can do ALL things, not a few things, ALL things! Just ask Him.

My birthday - my parent's day too!

Well, yesterday was my birthday. It was a GREAT day. It began with my husband serving me with coffee & Sunday paper in bed as he gave me my very own Pink Ipod, some tunes already loaded. (I've told you he is a GREAT gift giver) My son Scout surprised me with an ITunes Card. How fun! I get to choose and download my own songs. That will be a fun project for today. The day was just perfect as I spent the time with my family and friends. I am so blessed to have people who love me. That in itself is the sweetest gift.

But as I kept saying, this day is not a big deal, I mean, it is just another birthday. But, it is my birthday. And I started thinking how special my kids birthday's are to me. How I remember them being born. How special they are as 'gifts' to me. Then I got messages from my parents. My dad sent a sweet email about how he remembers me being a baby...and a little girl wanting his attention. My mom left a message on my answering machine just as we were getting home from church. It was during the very time I was born to her in the hospital. She was recalling what that was like for her. Max heard the message first and said, "Mom..your mom is making a beautiful speech about you, come listen". I told him to not interrupt....lets let her finish and then I'll listen to the whole thing! I did! Then I called her back!! Didn't want to interrupt the beautiful speech!!! I love the way Max says things. Anyway, that was so special for me. So, though 39 might have first seemed to be just another day for me....it was the day my parents received me as their daughter. Now, I could say...what a gift! But...I remember alot of the stuff I put my parents through. That...not so much of a gift. But they remember this day just like I remember the birthdays of my boys. Special and life changing.

It doesn't matter how old we are now, our parents still see us as their babies. They still remember all the bumps, bruises and days raising us. I'm still my mom and dad's little girl.....even at 39.

Look around at the people who love you today. I did that yesterday, and felt loved and blessed and thanked God for the people he's placed in my life. For friendship, family and God's plan for my life...which include all of you!!! What a good plan the Lord had for me...and still has as he leads me daily.

So what now?? I am going to make a list of a few things I want to do before I turn 40. Now, this list won't include things like get a tatoo. I'm over that phase I think. Really! But there are a few things I just don't want to put off anymore. Because believe me...when I turn 40, there will be another list. And a big party. Mark your calendars now. I want to have fun...so much fun that day, I foget that I'm 40! Mom, I'm going to ask your fogiveness now for the time I helped bake you a cake that said "over the hill". I think you were turning 30. If I remember correctly, the cake looked like a hill and at least we decorated it with flowers. I had no idea. Just thought it was a catchy birthday phrase. Yeah, not so much. Max reminded me that at least I was not 40. Actually, he said Mom, "That is how long God made the people march in the wild outside until they turned old. At least you didn't have to do that". Yeah....at least there is that! Thanks Max.

Have a wonderful day friends - thanks for making my day special yesterday.

Flashback

Last night, Kevin and I helped to host a party for a friend of mine who turned 40. It was all 80's style and so much fun. Before the party, Kevin gave me a card that was just an I love you card....but had some fun highschool stuff in it too. Like the TLA we would draw all connected...representing, True Love Always! Remember that??? For the record, I was TOTALLY impressed that my checkered van wearing date remembered how to twist the black jellies together for the perfect bracelet. If you don't remember that, ask Kevin...he'll tell you all about it!

Anyway, we danced, laughed and totally, like enjoyed the decade you know? :) I loved my big hair...but Kevin did say, he is glad he didn't experience my hair sprayed, blown out big hair days....he might not have been a fan!

Which, had me thinking - Nick is in highschool now and having his own moments. 2008 moments...which what is that? Will they have parties in 20 years and say, Wear your 2008 stuff. Totally insane....American Eagle Jeans and Tshirts...crazy man!! or...not. This age is not as crazy, clothes like as we were. Just an observation, that's all.

Anyway, this is just a quick blog and a pic from last night and my own personal reminder that while I was just a big haired girl in the 80's, God still knew his plan for me. It was to marry a wonderful man from Florida - that wore more OP and Quicksilver than most guys I went to school with and probably wore less Izod than those that I went to school with. But, totally perfect for me.

Brothers become friends

My two oldest sons are completely different. They look different, act different and are talented in different ways. They are just a little over 2 years apart. If I were to share old home videos with you, you would laugh at the way they used to play. Nick loved his little brother. Scout was in awe (and still is) of his older brother. It was so sweet. As they grew older, and Scout began to follow Nick a little less often, the rivalry began to grow. We had a few years of pure torture in trying to get them to get along. The angry voices, the disrespect for each other, the physical fights…yep, we’ve been there. For years, my prayer would be, “God…fill their hearts with love for each other”. Sometimes I would pray, “Lord, bind them together in a way that only you can, that they see a gift from you in their brother”. I would sit and wait for God to work….and wait……and wait. All the while, we were playing referee!

Peace of mind makes the body healthy, but jealousy is like a cancer; Proverbs 14:30

Now, unfolding before us is a good thing. Sometimes, conversation between the two of them….not started or encouraged by me or Kevin. I’ve even caught Nick paying Scout a compliment and receiving one in return. Though it’s not perfect….we are seeing them grow older and closer. Thank you Jesus!

If you are in the season of fighting siblings…do not despair!!! It is just a season. Not one you need to ignore – but one you will get through. The encouragement I can offer you is to never allow them to be hurtful or rude. There were times we would let them go at it physically. That may be too much for some of you, but if you have all boys, you understand that there is no other way sometimes. Especially if one keeps asking for it! We’ve seen that too. Anyway, I’m trying to say, we have less of that now and more of what I always thought was ideal.

You are not a bad parent if your kids fight. You are a good mom or dad when you sometimes allow them to work out situations among themselves. (with coaching from you of course) But, God cares about this and can offer you peace when you feel like crying because you feel your kids don’t love each other. How do I know? Because he has done that for me, over and over. It’s as old as the Bible. Remember Cain and Able? Be encouraged – and know that as your kids grow, so will their love and even like for each other. And when it gets to be too much….just lock them outside…after all…you are paying the bills!

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is when children live together in unity!
Psalm 133:1

Amazing News.....

Yesterday, I received two important messages. One was from my sister Jennifer. She is pregnant and we thought that our sweet baby girl was going to be here sometime around mid May. May 19 was the big target date. Well, when Jen went to the doctor this week, she was told that she is already beginning that process we mother's know as 'getting ready for labor'. The doctor told her it could be anytime and that he would probably not let her go longer than May 12 without inducing! WOW! My niece, Payton Bailey will be here sooner than I thought. That....was a great surprise. We had a baby shower for her this past Saturday and it was WONDERFUL. That girl has more clothes than ANY baby I have ever been around. I am truly not kidding. All adorable. I was good and actually bought something off my sister's registry - a practical gift she wanted....but then.....I went to find something fun! I am proud to say that I bought baby Payton her very first pearl bracelet. I am so going to enjoy being the fun, girly Aunt Sha Sha.

The second message was from my sister in law about my other niece whom we've been waiting on for 2 years now. Addeline Grace Johnson is somewhere.....either she is born and in an orphanage in China or she is safely wrapped in her birth mother's womb...awaiting her big day. Either way...we know she is on her way. Ken and Kelly (Kevin's brother and wife) have been in the process of adoption since March of 2006. They love that baby girl already....we all do. And we are looking forward to holding her and welcoming her as a Johnson soon. Kelly updated her blog with the dates that they should hear something about their baby. The good news is that it will be by April 2009 at the latest. Please visit her blog for more information. It is entitled Kelly's Blog at the bottom of this page. I know that it must be hard for Ken and Kelly at times...the waiting. Kelly has been pregnant longer than any of my friends. :) But...she looks amazing! Well....you know what I mean. They have been expecting her and waiting...all that love just stored up for their little girl. A sister for my nephew Alec. A new niece for me and Kevin. And a sweet baby cousin for my boys. We are all ready.

How ironic that both messages come on the same day. Payton, coming sooner than we expect and Addie....we've been waiting on a while. We may wonder and ask God why, but He knows. He's known all along and His timing is perfect.

Philippians 4:6-8
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


We will not be anxious, we will wait and trust Him. Because He knows the exact date that our girls will be with us. He has formed each of them and has a plan for each of them.

Please pray with us for both baby girls. Pray that we have a safe delivery for baby Payton (and her mom Jennifer too) which will be soon....and that our sweet Addie will be taken care of....and that she will get here really, really soon too! We love them both...my, how our family is going to change.

Oh....I almost forgot....Happy Earth Day!

Wow....going green is definately the trend huh? While I agree we need to be good stewards of our earth's resources....some people take this a bit too far! I am attending a tradeshow this week and today...was the official observance for the hotel community to take hold of Earth Day. As a sales person...when I go to tradeshows, I hand out my material and usually give away a few little trinkets. You know...the typical goody with my hotel name and phone number so they won't forget me! Being a resort...I usually have cool goodies. Like hand poured travel candles....Wow....

Well, today our directive at this tradeshow was to talk only and not hand out brochures or anything printed on paper. (um...business cards) We were not to bring any give aways. (like my really cool hand poured candles) We were to observe Earth Day. This would be our way of respecting our earth's resources. Whatever....it was wierd. So while we were all using our laptops for our powerpoints instead of killing trees and handing out brochures......we were all burning hours of electricity. Did we really make that much of a difference?

My family has made a more consious effort to recycle at home. Or...maybe I should say Kevin is making a more consious effort. I really do want to do my part too. I just don't always think about it. But I do think about how precious my world is and I know WHO created it. Some of my 'green' friends don't know that!!! Nor...are they open to knowing more about my God and how he had a plan for how our earth would function and how the resources within the land would allow us to live, breath and MAKE Paper!!!! I know who created ME! And...you too for that matter. We didn't just appear you know....no Big Bang people!

Have you heard about the movie 'Expelled; No Intelligence Allowed'? Ben Stein has a wonderful film I think we should all see and take our children to see as well. Plugged In has a great review on this film. Take a moment to visit this webpage and see what you think.

http://www.pluggedinonline.com/movies/movies/a0004010.cfm

Kevin had mentioned this movie to me last weekend. At dinner Monday night, a former pastor asked me if I had seen it. He and his wife saw the movie over the weekend and they said it was fabulous! A must see. There are too many times our schools and public offices are so quick to go green because it is politically correct. But....try to offer them a Christian perspective on our world's creation......YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!! Wow....not open to that at all.

See what you think. Let me know if you see the movie or please comment if you did see the movie already. What did your kid's think???

Beautiful Hands

I was looking at some pictures from my sister's baby shower when I ran across this picture. At first, I thought....what in the world was my husband thinking??? Taking pictures of his Grandfather's hands. I mean there were several of them on my camera. But then, I looked closer - and noticed how large his hands are. Strong. They are hands that have worked hard for many years providing for his wife and his 3 daughters and 1 son. Preston Duncanson is Kevin's grandfather on his mother's side. He has fought a long battle with cancer and still, just a week or so ago, I heard he went to a church social just because he wanted to see everyone. He is tired. He knows his maker. He is not scared. As I looked at this picture, I started to get it....my husband see's these hands differently than most of you will. They are his grandfather's hands. The hands of a strong and loving man that hugged him when he was little. Hands that would swallow his hands when Kevin was a boy. Hands that would discipline at times too, I am sure. (Kevin is a preacher's kid you know, lol) Hands that seemed so strong long ago....that now rest more than they ever did or thought they could years ago.

I see this picture and I'm reminded of legacy. Leaving a legacy that is. Grandpa Duncanson has lived a life that honored God and hard work, serving his country through the military (he has some great stories!!) - and loving family and church community. I wonder if my boys even begin to understand the legacy that is left for them by this wonderful man. You see, because Grandpa Duncanson loved the Lord and served God and brought his family up in the way of the Lord - my husband has a Godly mother. Kevin's mom married a pastor and together they served in the ministry for 40 years. For me, that meant I met and married a man who loved the Lord. Kevin is a leader in our home spiritually. Now, our boys are learning the same thing. I pray it goes on and on and on. A legacy of faith.

Honor should be given to those who have gone before us and have laid foundations in our lives. I think I've missed a few opportunities to share with my boys just how special this is and how blessed they truly are.

Too often, we get so busy that we don't appreciate the loved ones in our life that are in the twilight of their own lives. Or, maybe we are sad because they are old now and we miss the way they used to be.

I was looking in my Bible this morning to see what I could find about legacy and the blessing it is within a family. Though I didn't find what I was actually looking for, I ran across this verse. I like it best in the Message Translation -

Proverbs 17:6 Old people are distinguished by grandchildren;
children take pride in their parents.

Get past the part that says...Old people. So it's not politically correct. But it says that our grandpas, grandmas, nanas, memaws and papas are to be distinguished by their grandchildren. That our children take pride is us.

Question: Am I leaving a legacy for my children that they will truly take pride in? Hmmmmmm

She did not!

Ok...update on Friday's Blog! Nick got a call on Saturday that simply said his girl is no longer interested. It seems as though she (or her best friend) feels my son is a bit immature for her. That totally kicked Nick in the stomach.

You see, as you might have picked up - Nick is a romantic and loves the idea of being in love. So much so, he has a tendency to rush into something more than what the situation actually is at times.

Thankfully, he sought us out after he got the call and just wanted to talk. Didn't necessarily want me to fix anything, just listen. After listening, I told him my thoughts of him wanting to be in love. Surprisingly, he agreed. Said it was really hard because it just seems so great sometimes and then all the sudden...BAM...you are just not mature enough. Which, btw - Nick totally disagrees with. He was quite offended at her take of who he is.

I reminded him of a verse in the Bible -

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

We talked about being so willing in giving his heart to 'just anyone'. That it is to be guarded and protected for the right time. His heart was made to love. To love God, family, others, and someday a beautiful bride who will return his love.

For now....the girl missed out on a great date! That's all I have to say about that.

Trying to figure it all out!

Last night, Nick had a friend date with a sweet girl also in the 10th grade at his school. The funny thing is that this girl would come over when they were in the first and second grade to play with the next door neighbor. Eventually, all the kids would end up in our backyard. I remember this girl being very much a tomboy. Very sweet, but always a tom boy. Today, that same girl is extremely active in sports at their highschool. She plays softball and volleyball. Always something!! And she loves it.

When Nick first told me they were talking and that he was surprised by his new interest in her, I agreed with yes...that is surprising. Hmmmm. Then, he shows me her picture. My....where is the tomboy I remember? This gal is gorgeous!!! And so sweet still. She seems to be very grounded in who she is and just enjoys having fun with her friends and sports. The way it should be.

Last week as Nick was talking about her, he shared how he will see her and want to talk with her in the halls at school. But then, the closer he gets to her, the more nervous he gets and he totally forgets what he wants to say. Ah....I so remember that feeling, don't you?? Well, I guess you get the point, he's smitten.

They went to a movie last night and he came back so perplexed. Trying to figure out, does she like me or not. He was very talkative, laughing, blushing and just silly to a degree. For us...it was the first 'after date' time when I thought....take hold of this moment. I was tired...but through his open conversation, I had received an invitation to sit in his room and talk about this girl that has stolen a piece of his heart and alot of his attention!!!!

If you are the parent of boys, don't assume that your son won't talk with you about his crushes and his after date experiences. They want to talk with us. It's not just a girl thing! Believe me. When I slow down enough to sit, look into their eyes and hear my boys....they can talk, and talk, and talk and talk.

I'll let you know what happens. His friends suggested that he give her a couple of days before calling again. I quickly told him that as a girl myself...I would want to hear from him, even briefly the day after a date just to know if my date had a good time. So, I shared the idea of texting her today to let her know he had a good time. What did he say back to me????? "Mom, you said you shouldn't text stuff like that to a girl. You say calling is more appropriate". Um, I did say that and I think I blogged about that a few weeks ago!!! I laughed, agreed and just told him I am glad that even when I am not sure.....he does hear me!!

There's no place like home....there's no place like home....

Wow!!! Sitting on my couch watching the Democratic Presidential debate while I wait for my family to get home from church. Hillary is discussing how she knows and is "convinced" that withdrawing troops from Iraq within 6 months is a good idea. Now, the Commanding General of our troops is telling us....almost pleading with the powerful ones....to NOT do this. But Hillary.....she thinks....Ehh, I'm good....I'll go with my first thought. Now tonight, she does look good. The bags under her eyes are almost gone. Her skin is clear and make up really does look fab. Kudos for that Hillary. But, as far as me seeing you as my President....I just can't see it.

I think that I am going to be very unpopular for saying this, but I am not certain I want a female President. We are wired different. God wired us that way. We are important...no doubt. We were created to be help mates. If you don't believe that, read the story of Adam and Eve. Look at the many examples within the Bible where women helped men in miraculous, amazing ways. Women carry the gift of discernment, empathy, love, kindness and hospitality. We are strong too. We can do anything - but why do some of us think we should do everything?

If other countries have issues with women in leadership or even respecting a woman's right to vote or enjoy life, or making her own decisions.....will another country really take us serious if we have a women in our most important position of power? I'm just asking.....

Comment please......tell me what you think? Even if you disagree....I want to know! Alright....Obama is talking now...let me go listen to him! Later...

Peer Pressure

Well, as I travel this week I find that at times, I find I am back in Jr. High. Seriously. I am attending a trade show of people just like me from hotels all over the Southeast. Ah....I sense similarity of sorts with what my kids must face each day at school. What can I learn from this? I've realized the past few days, there is much to be reminded of.

Already, I've found the groups. The cool kids, the geeks and definitely the party crowd. How old are they anyway??? Last night, I was so happy to get there exactly when it started so I could leave after an hour. I was not going to miss the Biggest Loser finale!!! (oh, so I guess I let it slip that I fell into the geek social crowd) Anyway, as I was leaving, I ran into one of my new friends I met at the trade show. As I was leaving, she grabbed my arm and asked why I was leaving so early. Actually, I think her exact words were, "Don't leave, it's a free open bar". Oh....well that changes everything!!! What was I thinking???? Good grief.

But seriously, as I move through the week I have moments where I am very confident in who I am, like last night. But then there are other times when I am in the educational sessions or work groups where I feel less than some of those around me. I feel intimidated at times to contribute to the conversation because, what if they don't like my ideas? What if they dismiss my thoughts? I begin allowing their approval of me to define who I am. Do you know what I mean? It's like 17 all over again.

Like I said, a reminder of what my kids face. And with that said, I am proud of who my kids are. And I will tell them that. Peer pressure never really goes away. How unreal of us to expect our kids to glide through that time just because we've taught them well. If your kids are holding up through the pressure and are known for making good decisions.....tell them just how proud you are of them! Tell them you know its hard, but worth it. Share with them some of the situations you go through during your day to day life.


Do not change yourselves to be like the people of this world, but be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what God wants for you; you will know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect. Romans 12:2

Where did that week go??????????

Wow....it's Saturday again, and I can't seem to remember where the last 6 days have gone! It was truly one of those weeks that just flew by. I work at a resort and I see people every day coming in for meetings, looking busy and then there are others who are coming to relax. They want to enjoy our spa, play golf and enjoy friends. That sounds so great!!

Yesterday, we had some major storms. So bad in fact that my neighbor across the street had a strong wind blow by their house taking a TREE with it. Like literally pulling up the root, stump and leaving a gigantic hole in their yard. Crazy! Well, while the winds and storm was hitting, we totally lost power. I found I was not alarmed or scared. Only Nick and I were at home. At first, Nick was the typical teenager asking..."what am I supposed to do now???". Me? Again, knowing everyone was safe somewhere else...and that our house was fine..... I said, "Let's just take a nap!". I was DELIGHTED!!! So, for the next two hours, that is what we did.

Kevin and Scout came home and found us on the couch. They joined us!! It was great! Soon, neighbors were outside talking and Kevin joined them....but not me. I stayed right there on the couch. Later, we realized that it would be a while before the power came back on so we decided to go grab some dinner and a movie. You see, there were no options to stay and get caught up on laundry or even worry about what I would make for dinner....DARN. :)

We had a great night out and enjoyed some much needed family time. In fact, the power in our entire area was out so we ran into friends while having dinner and enjoying unexpected time with them. It was actually quite fun!

All of that to say that I was so tired by the time Friday got here. I had so much to catch up on from being so busy during the week. But that was not the plan. The plan was to just be. To enjoy some time with the family, in the dark, resting, relaxing and then having a great night out! I feel great now. I am ready for a weekend.

God knows what we need and we can find his gifts in THE MOST unexpected places. I am not saying the storm was a gift for me. Heavens no. What I am saying is that if we look for good in things....we will find a gift. Like my solitude and quiet after a hectic week. The last thing I needed was piles of laundry. My body and soul were tired. God is good.....look for the ways he has been good to you. Maybe those ways that didn't come wrapped as gifts you recognized at first. Have you thought of one? Thank him for that and ask your children to do the same thing. Teach them to see those things too.


The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, (or on a way comfy brown sectional)
he leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.... Psalm 23:1-3

Wisdom

I remember early years of raising my boys when random people would tell me, "enjoy these early years, they go by so fast". My thoughts would sometimes be...Oh...I wish at least today would go by...I'm exhausted! That was usually when someone was crying in a stroller or fussing because I was saying no to their latest object of desire. ( I know Kevin, I said yes a whole lot too, I know) I remember feeling overwhelmed when my house was completely a wreck and the laundry load was SO LARGE that I had to go to the laundry-mat to use the commercial machines on a Saturday just so I could get caught up for the week! No kidding. There were days when the thought of what in the world will I make for dinner was equal to the square root of some number that I can not figure out. You know what I mean. Or...maybe you don't. But I do! When you are in the middle of raising your children those early years, you genuinely can't see past the now sometimes. Though you love your children DEARLY, at times you are frazzled into a state of total disillusionment. Is that a word?? Well, if not...it should be.

Yesterday, one of our former assistant's stopped by the office to show us her twin babies. They are 6 months old, a boy and a girl - AMAZING!!! They are just great. Leigh strolled in with this huge double stroller - and she looked amazing as ever too. She worked with us right out of college. Always active and doing amazing things, she cheered in college (and was good friends with Eli Manning...oh..pardon me I seemed to have dropped something there),was president of her sorority, moved to Birmingham, met a young man in medical school, left us,become a pharmaceutical sales rep, married a doctor and planned to have lots of money. (I know...that was not a grammatically correct sentence) Well, after they married, they planned to wait on kids until they were financially ready. But God said....I have a special gift for you two. Now, she stays at home and for the last 6 months has been a full time mommie to those babies! Though amazing....her days are long and busy. There is a part of her that misses the freedom and self indulgence she enjoyed just 2 years ago! She looked at me yesterday while everyone was going crazy over her babies and said...I no know why you said you liked your job so much. She said, "This is hard". I could sense if we were alone, the tears would have flowed. She mentioned that there is a part of her that is sometimes resentful because her husband gets to go to work. That is so normal. I encouraged her and agreed with her on how hard it was. I also offerred for me and Kevin to go to her house ANYTIME to watch those babies. We have baby fever and love to love on other people's babies. You see....we know....the days and years really do fly by. Ours have. Oh the wisdom of those random people when my kids were small....

When I got home yesterday, there was another reminder for me of how fast time goes by. My neighbor Shelley dropped in with Cannon. I think he is now 3. Now, if you've read my blog before, Cannon is also the little guy who woke up one morning with all the stuff in his jammies!!! Go back and read that one from last month if you missed it. Shelley wrote a sweet blog on that!!! Anyway, Cannon loves my boys because they are big and they love him...because he is little and way cool. Anyway, we chatted for a while and then she left Cannon to play with the boys. Watching him run around and play with the boys was just wonderful. His voice, just precious. He got a snack from our snack jar and just held it. I picked up on the fact that he needed some help opening the wrapper, so I asked him "Do you need me to open that for you?". He quickly said, "yes, I can't because I'm little". I then said, "You're not too little, your big". He just grinned, and jumped on the couch between Scout and Max. I just loved it!!! I see my boys in him. We've come far from that age and I wonder, what I missed. You know, the days that I was so busy, stressed or overwhelmed that I took for granted a cute smile, precious words or invitation to play a game or read a book.

I have another friend, Jennifer who has two young kids. Her stories of her little girl are hysterical. She is one my Sugar Baby sistas. We love to hear Chloe storis, because they are so far out...you can barely believe it happens. Let me just say....Jennifer's precious girl can even get out of a duck taped diaper! I wish I could share that story with you. Maybe I'll ask her to write it and I'll post it!! Priceless. Anyway, within our group - she is the youngest and has the youngest children. She is in that place where nothing ever feels completed, your house is always a task list and the kids are always in need of your time and energy. Many of us remember those days. She needs us to be there for her to encourage and pray for her and remind her not just that the days will get better. In all seriousness, where is the encouragement in that? Because those are BETTER DAYS. But to enjoy them. Not push off her very real feelings of daily mom frustrations, but to find joy there as well. To share our failures and feelings of frustration we had at that time and things we did to find joy. We've all been there. I don't know many June Cleavers. Another one of my SB Sisters has twin boys that have entered adulthood. That's my Melanie. She tells us when we need to stop sweating all the small stuff. She can share that we have to give our kids wings and that they will eventually have to walk out their own faith and life journey. She is one of my go to people right now. My oldest is closer to her boys, excuse me, men and I find many things I can relate to in parenting from what they have been through.

As mom's and dad's we need to encourage each other. This is but a season in our life. And we all know seasons pass one from another. We are either a season behind or season ahead of others in our lives. We can find encouragement, laughter and wisdom from those who have already walked through the seasons we are presently experiencing.

I know this is long....and it is Saturday morning. So, I am now going to enjoy my day with my boys. Yes, Kevin is still out of town visiting with his Grandparents now in Winter Haven. We are ready for him to come home! I've said it before, but I am blessed. I love my family and I will enjoy the time spent with my boys today!!

Psalm 90:12...So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Do you know your child's love language?

Have you read 'The Five Love Languages of Children'? The book is written by Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell, MD. In this book, they write about how we can show our kids how much we love them by finding the way they see and recognize love the easiest. They explain the five love languages as being physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service. They have a book for married couples as well. Like alot of men, Kevin's gift is that of physical touch. He needs me to touch him when I walk beside him or sit on the couch with him. When he is stressed...he can be calmed with just one hug! Seriously....it's not me. I'm not magic - but the hug is! Just like we crave certain things from our spouses, our kids crave certain things from us.

Remembering that,I pulled this book out last night as I was thinking how my kids have grown up. Their needs of me and Kevin have changed too. What I mean is this; Scout used to really see acts of service as my show of love for him. When I did things for him, it reaffirmed my love for him. If I didn't do something for him, like cook dinner (Sunday can be cereal night), Scout was likely to feel less loved that night. When I saw this, I would try to make it up to him and fix something for him. Always...I would get a big smile. As if he was saying.."Whew..she still loves me". That is the way he saw it anyway. At the age of 13 now, he is more likely to choose quality time with either Kevin or me. That speaks volumes to him now. The acts of service are still important, but the quality time is the one he'll pick if given a choice.

Max's love language is gifts. He loves treats. Sometimes too much. But that is one way that Max feels loved. The language of gifts doesn't only include store bought items. It can be a gift of a note in his backpack, maybe a note or piece of candy hidden in his desk after a school visit - anything. Just something given to him out of the blue. He loves that!!

When Nick was younger, quality time and acts of service probably tied for his strongest love language. Now....I find that what speaks to him most is words of affirmation. As I reviewed the book last night, I read the section on words of affirmation. I immediately saw a paragraph that stood out to me. It started out by saying that if your child is regularly asking you if they've done something good or what we think about this or that...they are seeking words of affirmation from us. Wow...that totally described what my almost 16 year old is doing. His typical confident self has become a bit unsure lately. He is daily asking me what I think about something he did. Did I think he did a good job driving home? Did I like the song he played on the piano or guitar? What do I think about his clothes? I could go on. I thought that I did a pretty good job complementing him on a daily basis. But maybe, I take for granted that he just knows how I feel or that I think he is talented.

Tonight, we went out for dinner. Kevin is out of town and I worked a little later than usual today. So I called home...told the boys to be ready and we would grab some dinner. When I picked them up, Nick asked if he could drive. He is a good driver so I was fine with that. Within the first few minutes, he had already asked me, 'Am I doing good mom?'. 'Coach Shores said I did a good job driving on the Interstate today'. Seeing the need - :) I quickly said, 'Yeah buddy, you are doing a great job. You are a good driver'. His bearded (yes bearded) face just lit up. He smiled and thanked me, then went on to tell me why he thought he was a good driver. Even though our kids may look confident on the outside they crave and NEED our spoken words of affirmation. Hear that...our spoken words. Maybe now more than they did as little kids. Words of affirmation do not only include the common 'I love you'. Affirming words can also be words of encouragement, agreement and even spiritual discipline. The book goes on to say that if you have a child that has words of affirmation as their primary love language, you'll find that harsh, loud words don't reach them in the way of discipline. Wow...that is so Nick. Nick will totally shut down if he feels we are yelling or mad. But, if we approach him with gentle words, he'll talk about anything! When our children hear us using kind words with them...remember that they too are more likely to share those types of words with others.

Words of Affirmation include; words of affection and endearment, words of praise, words of encouragement, words of guidance. Gary Chapman writes, 'For children whose primary love language is words of affirmation, nothing is more important to their sense of being loved than to hear parents and other adults verbally affirm them. But the reverse is also true - words of condemnation will hurt them very deeply. Harsh and critical words are detrimental to all children, but to those whose primary language is words of affirmation, such negative words are devastating. And they can play those words in their minds for many years'. Wow....the power of words.


Proverbs 12:18 from The Message Translation

18 Rash language cuts and maims,
but there is healing in the words of the wise.

It's a beautiful day....why are you inside????

Alright, after a night and morning of total rain we are truly enjoying an amazing afternoon. Why then....do my children want to stay inside? I guess that is a problem that all parents have at one time or another. I just remember it being so different when I was growing up. My mom would have to yell and yell for us to come inside some days! We would play outside until it was dark. That was typically the sign for us to go in for the night.

After everyone got home today and we had our chats about who did what and who had what homework - I threw them out! I opened the door and said.....alright guys, not sure what you'll do...but go find something to do outside. They looked as if I had grounded them. It took a few minutes, but finally....Ah...it happened. They were enjoying some rough time on the trampoline. Nick found some quiet time in the hammock. They were truly enjoying the afternoon. I so enjoyed watching them as I sat on my porch and typed.......um....yes, typed reply emails to my clients. So not fair! But...my view, was amazing. Not a beautiful view from the resort I work in, but an awesome view of my boys. Suddenly, I was reminded of how blessed I have been to have a job that I love that also allows me to be home each afternoon. God is good. So good....and so generous.

Can you think of something great God has given you today? I sometimes over look those things. I don't mean to, I just get busy with life. I find that I have to take time to remind myself of the many blessings I have received and then share with my kids just how grateful I am...and to who I am grateful! I want my kids to know that my blessings come from the Lord and I am thankful. Just like when we pray and and thank God for our food. Really......God, we thank you for our food. I reminded my oldest of that just last night as he was trying to rush through a very rehearsed dinner prayer. When he finished, I asked him - "What were you saying to God just then?". He said, "the blessing". I asked him again, "no, what were you saying to God? You know He is listening to you when you pray and he knows your heart.". I told him I was not getting on to him, I just wanted to remind him that empty prayers don't fool God. He knows the heart of the one who speaks to Him. He knows if we are grateful and thankful....and he knows when we just spout words. I reminded my boys that some kids don't have food. They would love what we have, I told them. Scout was quick to tell me that he would gladly give WHOEVER the chicken pot pie that sat in front of him! He was not happy last night and sat there FOREVER - but that is another story. Mom - it's true, but we didn't reach the 9pm time. He'll have to try harder to beat my record!! Anyway...back to being grateful and thankful - I want to have a grateful heart and teach my kids to do the same. I forget far too often how wonderfully blessed my life really is.

Lord, we thank you for a beautiful afternoon, for children playing outside, children who are able to play outside. Lord we thank you for our jobs and how you provide for us. Food, homes and so much more! You are so good to us and we love you.