I forget he's only 9 sometimes....

Today was filled with teachable moments. For me, and my children. Two weeks ago, I wrote about my husband's grandfather and his fight with cancer. Since that blog, we've talked with Grandma Duncanson and other family members as we all began to make our hearts ready for his 'Homecoming'. We knew it was coming, but it still doesn't make it easy. On Friday, we learned that hospice had come in for 24 hour care. When that happens, it is a matter of a couple of days at best typically.

Today, was the day for our family. He went to be with the Lord around 2pm Birmingham time. When we got the call, we were quiet and sad. We told the kids - and they too had been expecting this for a few days. For the next few hours, we talked about Grandma and how she must feel. Not just because her husband died. But the fact that she celebrated her 64th wedding anniversary just a few weeks ago. Tonight, for the first time in 64 years, she is sleeping in her home alone. How blessed she was to share her life with him. How she must surely miss him tonight. We also spent hours talking about details. When will the funeral be? How will we get there? Where will we stay? What other details do we need to take care of in just a couple of days to prepare for a special day in honor of Grandpa Duncanson??

Tonight, as my youngest son Max was getting ready for bed, it hit me that I had not asked him specifically how he felt and if he had any questions about death or funerals...or even about Grandpa Duncanson. As his eyes filled with tears and his face flushed...I could tell that the answer was yes.

I hugged him and held him for the next couple of minutes while he cried. He wanted to know how many times he had been with Grandpa Duncanson. He told me he wished there could be more times and memories with him. So I asked him, "what is your favorite Grandpa Duncanson story". He quickly answered that question with, "Oh! That's easy. It's when Grandpa Duncanson wrestled the water moccasin when he was fishing". Ok, I've been married into this family for 17 years now, and I have never heard this story. Seriously. But, Max promises me that it's true. He told me that is the story behind the stuffed (taxidermy) water moccasin in Grandpa Duncanson's study. Ok, that's proof enough for me. The picture at the top of this blog - with all the dead stuff...those are a few of the trophies from his Grandpa Duncanson. It's true! And please, if you are with PETA, please don't comment for me. My plate is a little full this week and I'm quite frankly...just not in the mood to talk about your love for rattlesnakes or bobcats...whatever. Back to my blog - Max went on to tell me that Grandpa also told him that he had wrestled a couple of Alligators too. I'm smiling now, thinking either Grandpa had a really good time with Max...or Max has built up his Great Grandpa in a bigger than life way. Either way, it's Max's memory and that is just fine. I'm glad he has that to keep with him. That's pretty cool. His special part of Grandpa that will help get him through this next week of family time, tears, funeral and maybe some first time scary experiences. This is Max's first funeral. It won't be his last I know, but my mama heart worries for him and what he'll feel this week.

If you have never had a child experience loss (like me) you feel a bit a lost yourself as to how you lead them through it. Kevin and I have two teenagers in front of Max that don't need as much explaining sometimes. I'm kicking myself that it took me all day to have a quiet moment with my very sensitive 9 year old. I should have known. When I asked him about his feelings tonight....the tears just fell. As if he had been waiting all day for somebody to ask....how he felt. But I remember....I'm not perfect. No parent is, and we do the best we can right?? Thank you Lord for helping us!!! I've explained to Max that Grandpa is in heaven and that is where everyone who knows the Lord will be. We will surely see Grandpa again. I've told him that the body that he will see at the funeral is merely a shell and Grandpa Duncanson is not there, he is walking with the Lord and all the many people we've learned about in the Bible. I will hold his hand as he walks through this next week and answer any question he has. I think one of the most important things I've shared today is that it is ok to be sad and cry sometimes. That's normal. Get the tears out....it REALLY makes us feel better when we do!!! He suggested that we take a box of Kleenex to the funeral. I think I'll take his advice on that. I also shared with him that not only does the Lord form us in our mother's belly, but he also knows the story of each of our lives. He knows each and every day we have lived and are going to live. God is not surprised by death - it is his invitation to an everlasting life with him, and he has an amazing ever after for all of those who believe in Him. That is what John 3:16 is all about. I am not certain he 'got' everything tonight. But, he will eventually. Talking about death is not fun, but it's something at one time or another we will have to do with our children. I want to be sure I'm allowing them opportunities to share what is on their heart. I found that I had to ask Max directly today. I wonder if he was scared to ask earlier. Maybe he thought that was something he shouldn't do because we all looked so sad. I don't know....sometimes you just don't know. But here...is something I do know;

Psalm 139: 13 - 16

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.


He knows our days even before we are born. They are ordained and he is a good God. Let us learn to be wise in living our life since our days are numbered. Making the most of every one.

We will miss you Grandpa Duncanson, but we have been so blessed by you!! Thank you for sharing with my boys your stories of wrestling with those snakes and alligators....they'll be in their minds forever I am sure.