Well, I'm back from another week of being away. This time it was to attend Grandpa Duncanson's funeral. This may sound odd...but if you were there, it won't - The service and funeral were both just beautiful. It truly was a celebration and recognition of a life lived to the fullest!!! I am so glad I was able to be there with my entire family. Most everyone was there, even all the way from Alaska. In some ways, it was like a reunion week. For both Grandpa and all of us. Wow. I wish I had a few pics and I would post them for you. We got several of the family, his flowers, the church....and so on. But, Kevin still has the camera and I want to update you on what our boys experienced. I also want to thank you - those who shared ideas with me on talking to my boys about death and heaven. That's what its all about, helping each other when we are at a loss right??? Well, it helped and encouraged me that just being open and available in talking to my kids and letting them talk - would be the perfect way to help them get through this.
I blogged about Max having some mixed feelings about the passing of Grandpa Duncanson and the funeral. Well, he was just great and handled each situation with maturity. My sister inlaw Kelly swears he is an 80 year old man in a 9 year olds body. It does seem that way some times. This week was definitely an experience that I am sure he'll never forget and I am glad. When we approached the casket, he was nervous. After a moment, he reached his 9 year old hand into the casket to touch his Grandpa Duncanson. He just wanted to feel his skin. It made it real for him. And....quite honestly he just wanted to know what he felt like. That...is ok too. He made a few trips to view Grandpa's body. Each time, his hand would reach in and gently stroke his Grandpa's arm, hand or hair. For him, that was closure. You know, sometimes the odd things our kids feel a need to do are the very things that help them understand the most. Even if we don't understand it right? I asked him afterwards what he thought. He just said, "Its ok. He's in heaven and this was just a speech to talk about his life and all the things he did". There you go...I could not have said that any better!
The service included Grandpa's favorite songs, a sermon by his beloved pastor, two son in-laws and special readings from his son, granddaughter and close friend. His granddaughter is just graduating from high school at the end of this month. She spoke so sweetly and fondly of Grandpa Duncanson. Great memories and stories. She told everyone that if they saw the family crying, it wasn't because he has died, it was merely because we are going to miss him greatly. Again, we all knew he was in a much better place.
My middle son Scout, was quiet and is still a bit quiet on the happenings of this week. He is a thinker, and it will take him some time to break down what he's seen, experienced and how he feels. I have to take note of that some days. You know, to not be frustrated because he won't talk to me. It's not about that. Its just the way he works. Maybe on the way home, or even at Grandma's this week - he'll think of something that he wants to talk about regarding the funeral and that will be the right time. Sometimes, its about us letting go of that control and allowing our kids to experience things at their own pace and way, right? Is that hard for anyone else out there???
Right after the service, my oldest son and I hopped in the car so that we could be back into Birmingham on Friday. Nick had a math test and a football scrimmage he could not miss. So, late Thursday afternoon we started out on our 12 hour drive home. Keep in mind, we had just survived the first 12 hour drive 1 day earlier.
Because Nick is 15, I was glad to share some of the driving with him. More than glad actually. And though the drive was not easy, it was a great experience. We had plenty of time to talk. We talked about school, his football, girls and yes....Grandpa's Funeral. He said that it was not as weird as he thought it would be to see Grandpa in the casket. He said that his body really looked empty and that he is glad he saw it. What I found most interesting is that he asked about the hymn we sang during the funeral, 'I'll Fly Away'. You see, he doesn't ever remember hearing that before. So, I explained to Nick that long before Chris Tomlin arrived on our worship scene at church - we had something called a hymnal. He told me that he actually liked that song as well as the other we sang which was 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'. I have to admit, I always liked that hymn too. Kevin can tell you that I also Love 'Trust and Obey'. I hummed and sung that to each of my boys as I rocked them. It just seemed to be the most soothing to them when they were babies. That conversation ended with him telling me that he wished we sang more of those songs....and then asked if we even had hymnals in our church. I think the answer is no...haven't seen one in a while! And he mentioned the sermons at the funeral. He espcially liked the way one of his uncles talked. He said he felt like he could relate to his Uncle John in way that he rarely finds. That his words were just like he thinks. Now, to be honest with you, I am not sure what that means. But...I liked that he said it. I'll tell Uncle John that too! He's doing something really cool if he can relate to a 15 year old at a funeral! He's one cool pastor.
We talked about a lot of things, and truly this will be one of those things I remember for a long time to come. Our time in the car with just conversation for HOURS. Laughing about stupid stuff - like the people we saw at Sonic totally causing a disturbance at the walk up order speaker. We probably shouldn't have laughed....but it was funny.
Well, we are back to our normal routine now and soon, Kevin and the boys will come home. Grandma Duncanson will soon say goodbye to her other house guests and it will be quiet after much family time, reminiscing and laughing. Pray for her that she will have the peace that only Christ can bring us.
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