Teaching your kids to be happy for others

So I've found lately that teaching your kids to truly be excited for someone else, can be a hard thing to accomplish. I've witnessed a couple of situations where I think...wow....I would not have thought my kids would act that way. One situation is from a few weeks back when the boys were still playing football. Scout and his buddy would jump in the car after practice and I would hear the friend say something like, "man, did you see me today? Did you see that catch I made?" and Scout's reply might be something like, "Dude, what are you talking about, I saw that fumble. I never saw you make a good catch....but did you see me? I was awesome". I would just cringe. Of course, after we let our friend out at his house - we would chat for a bit on giving a nice compliment or encouraging, "man you were good today" to your friend. I sometimes hear my kids return a request or need for encouragement with a statement that totally rides over the other person and pumps themselves up instead.

Last night at the Boy Scout Pack Meeting, this was more than apparent with our youngest Max. It was award time - and Max was all about that. Reminding us to be sure to get the picture of him accepting his award. He had been working on his Citizenship Award. Well, he got that award....but several of his friends got that one, plus a few more because they went to the Boy Scout weekend camp out. Max was crushed. We were supposed to go, but we had to cancel because the church that we are helping to start had its first Sunday that weekend. Max understands that...doesn't like it, but we explained our situation with this particular camp out. Anyway, the crushing moment came after we all sat down after the awards were given out and they called about 13 kids to the stage. They were ranging in age...and Max's antennas went up. "What is going on? Are they about to get something special?" he said, very seriously. As we watched, the Den Leader pulled out a bag of awards. The Den Leader then told us that because the weather was so cold during their camp out, each Scout that attended had earned their Polar Bear Badge. He went on to explain how this was most unusual because Scouts of this age don't typically camp in the coldness required to get this badge. Kevin and I watched Max's face - not only was this an award he could have received....it was one he would probably not easily have the opportunity to earn again really soon. He was just down. Did not congratulate his friends. Didn't even speak to them. When the closing of the meeting came, you should have seen his ill fated attempt to cheer with his team for the spirit stick.

Now, I'm not saying I don't understand his sadness. That is not what I am saying at all. In fact what I am saying is that I am trying to find ways to be empathetic to that...yet still teach him to be a good friend by being happy when our friends win something we don't.....because we love them and we want the best for them.

What I come up with is this;

Philippians 2:1-4

1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

I remember reading this when I was in high school thinking wow....it could not be said any plainer. This is what I want for my kids - and yes...I realize they are not in high school yet and don't think beyond their age at times, but its my goal for them. So, each time we face one of these situations, I'll keep reminding them of this. I have to remind myself at times too. When I become envious of others - or feel a twinge of jealousy when good fortune comes the way of those I love. Instead of wishing it were me, I thank God for blessing those that I love so much.

I know its a process....and as a mom, watching it happen can be frustrating, and sometimes hard too. We want our kids to be happy and have everything...but sometimes everything doesn't help make us into the people we are to be. Losing and not getting what you want sometimes creates not only character but an attitude of thankfulness too. Learning to be thankful for what you have.....and happy for others when they have something you desire too. Whew....life can be hard sometimes. Especially when you are a 10 year old and really, really want that Polar Bear Badge. I know that next time we go to Scout's and those boys have the Polar Bear badges sewn to their uniforms....Max is going to be tested. It will take all of his 'goodness' to tell his buds how cool they look on their uniforms. But, I'll pray he can do it. It will be a start and just another step in the process.